Coming Home from University / Identity Crisis

Hey, guys.

So much for coming back right after my final exams, hey? I was a combination of energized and exhausted the day I got home, hence last Friday’s post. And then:

working every single day + writing a 2000 page essay due yesterday + readjusting to living at home = zero blogging capability

So now that I’ve had the entire weekend off, and more than enough sleepless nights listening to Ed Sheeran with my mind absolutely racing, I’m blogging. Because we all know I’m hopelessly awkward in conversation but as soon as my voice turns into visible words everything seems to make sense.

I talked about how much I loved my job a lot last year, and I blogged all the time about how incredibly sad I was to leave it. It was heartbreaking, but I was able to do it because I knew moving to Vancouver was the right thing for me. I still 100% believe that to be true – I am so much more confident and happy now that I’ve ever been. And yet, being home, there is nothing that makes me more happy than working again. My wonderful boss scheduled me for the entire month of December, and all my coworkers have hugged me and made me feel right at home.

I’m starting to learn how to steam milk / pour latte art and am fired up about it. I know – Emma, it’s milk! Get over it. But it really is more than that. It’s the whole coffee / barista world that I am becoming more and more passionate about and want it to consume my life.

rp_coffee1-1024x1024.jpg

I really could see myself working in a cafe for the rest of my life and being totally happy. Which is something that makes no sense to me – on one hand, I want to go to university, get a degree, a successful job in writing / health / fitness and all of that. But on the other hand…I just don’t really care about it anymore. I feel like I’ve lost my passion for my current program and don’t know what to do.

I can’t drop out of university to be a barista. I can’t move back to Edmonton and abandon the great life I’ve started to create. I can’t get a job at a cafe in Vancouver and pretend like it’s the same as the one I feel totally at home at, where I would 110% pull a mattress over and move in if I could.

I am excited to go back to school. I want to see my friends, and I really do enjoy my classes. But am I seriously going to spend four years and tens of thousands of dollars on something that is just “kind of interesting”? Just wait it out until I can travel to France and then move back home and do what I wanted to do four years ago?

Judge me and tell me all your philosophical opinions on life. I’ll just be over here practicing latte art with my trusty 4L milk jugs. (<– I just wrote “milk hugs”. Coincidence? I think not.)

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One thought on “Coming Home from University / Identity Crisis

  1. Totally relatable. There are many a times where I have a mini panic attack thinking about where I want to go in life career wise. I mean, I know where my passion lies but it’s just the thought of going through the long process to get there that freaks me out. And then more negative thoughts come creeping in, like, what if I’m not good at it, what if I’ve been kidding myself this whole time and i actually hate this stuff etc, etc. so yeah I can see where you’re coming from with just wanting to stay in that comfort zone. I guess we just have to push the boundaries in life and see where it takes us…

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