And, we made it through the week!
I’m just going to be straight-up honest here. This has been an absolute sufferfest of a week. My posts haven’t reflected it – the first three were written on a beautiful Sunday afternoon at a cafe, and yesterday’s was immediately upon waking before my computer science lab. Which basically ruined my day.
I have my computer science midterm on Tuesday, and that alone has me nervous to the point of tears. Add to the fact that I have been quite literally been going going going nonstop from 6am-8pm every single day this week. I know that there are a ton of people that can handle even longer days in stride, but I am not one of them. I desperately need time for myself so that I can focus and be productive! What is the use in spending three hours at the library after class if you are too tired to even understand what you are studying?
Some issues that can arise as a lack of self care; and a few things that I have been experiencing thanks to driving myself into the ground:
- Acne. And not a zit here or there – the random breakouts along my chin that are very clearly a result of skyrocketing / plummeting hormones. Can someone say CORTISOL?!
- Intense sugar cravings. Again – this is not the typical “Man, I am so craving some ice cream right now!” It has literally been “Give me something/anything/everything NOW. Half a bag of granola? Cool! There’s only three cookies left so I might as well eat them all. I want oats in a jar tomorrow so that’s a good reason to eat all this peanut butter. ” I’m generally quite good about honouring my cravings so things like this don’t happen too often for me – so when they do I know something is up.
- Stomach pain / lack of appetite. This indirectly causes the above. Yesterday, I felt physically nauseous and like my stomach was cramping all day – I wasn’t sick, I was stressed. So I definitely ate, but not as much as usual. And it was my rest day, so that should have meant I was hungrier than usual! (hooray for recovery) Instead I ate a snack-like dinner due to a still whacked-out appetite, and then the combination of voracious hunger / cravings began.
- Lack of motivation. I’ve been burning myself out so much to the point where I just hand in assignments incomplete. I get so frustrated with myself that I just give up and say that I don’t care. In the moment I genuinely don’t – but getting 1/10 on a problem set is never a good feeling. And yes, that actually did happen. Did I mention yesterday was awesome?
My intention is NOT to write a super duper depressing rant. But I also don’t want to sugarcoat what I am dealing with, for two reasons:
1. My blog is an honest place. I don’t post to gain readers / traffic / money. I post because I am passionate about writing, healthy living, and connecting with others in an honest way. Fake relationships do nothing for me!
2. I believe I can help someone. Even if it is just one person – I am of the mind that we go through hard things for a reason, and part of that reason is so that someone else won’t have to. So if that means that one person decides to go to sleep instead of studying more, or read a book instead of pounding out another assignment, it’s worth putting myself out there.
So, if writing a “woe is me” post is not my intention, then what is?
Learning how to care for yourself.
And myself, obviously. These are the things that I plan to do starting NOW to get out of this hole and back into enjoying my life.
1. Writing. It’s therapeutic for me, and writing posts like this especially. They may not all get published, but some form of regular writing/journaling does wonders for my sanity.
2. Just sitting. Just this minute I stopped writing and listened to “Les derniers amoreux de la Terre” by Christian Marc. So few people take the time to just sit, even for a few minutes. We are always going, going, going! Even when were are not working, we are procrastinating or scrolling through Instagram/Pinterest/Twitter, maybe we are texting or talking or anything, but always something. Even just a couple of minutes can help to entirely change my mindset.
3. Physical self care. Pedicures, manicures, body lotion, they all matter! I know what you are thinking – Emma, you yourself just explained going a million miles a minute. Nobody has time for a manicure! And the fact that we should make time for something like that on occasion aside, it doesn’t need to be that complicated! Just trim your nails and push your cuticles back. Moisturize your body before going to bed. I don’t even remember the last time I put lotion on – and I have bloodstains around my nails to prove it. Attractive, I know.
4. Communicate. I have totally ignored my mom this week. I feel like an awful person. But I just haven’t had the energy to put up a facade acting like I was okay, and I definitely didn’t have the energy to rehash everything that was going on – it was enough to deal with it once! But that doesn’t help – bottling up emotions just leads to an explosion in the end. Reach out to people – they are there for you. ❤
5. Have fun! This post is turning into a novel so I will wrap it up – but never forget to just let loose and do something fun! Tomorrow after class I am going into the city with a few friends (to go to Whole Foods…I think I have found the right friends. 😉 ), and then we are coming back for a cozy movie night! Sans costumes.
I truly hope that this was helpful, and that it prompted you to remember JUST HOW IMPORTANT YOU ARE. Always remember that.